I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
