apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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