he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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