Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
