You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
