Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
He kissed a someone with a penis
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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