He felt like a one man threesome
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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