im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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