I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
