Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
