sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
