And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
