Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
