Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
