ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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