I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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