there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
