A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
why do cheetos always look like penises
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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