I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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