I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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