I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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