An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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