Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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