worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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