..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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