We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize