There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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