that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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