how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
