gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
