I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
