I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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