I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
