That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
