he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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