I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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