Already got asked if we're dating
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Randomize
