Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
