So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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