Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
another moral hangover. fuck.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
