Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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