i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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