I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
