She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Randomize
