my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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