I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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