so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize