I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
