Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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