i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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