I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You took a bar mat shot.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
