So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
