There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
