Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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