wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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