her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
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