I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
