ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
