While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I have feelings that need drinking.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
