: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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