??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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