Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize