WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
