Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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