after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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