Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
