Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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