he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
