The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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