if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
