i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
