eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
