you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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