sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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