The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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