it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
